a life ruined?

There was some brouhaha this week when it was discovered that the ex-girlfriend of the Conservative federal minister of foreign affairs had previously been involved with two Hells Angels, one of whom had been murdered. Once identified, she was quoted in the paper as saying that the media had ruined her life.

Her life is ruined because her affairs with three past boyfriends have been made public? I'm confused. It does not appear she is still involved with the biker world, and in any case, she has no criminal record. At this point, I will also refrain from making comment as to whether she has really stopped cavorting with members of organized crime, or just moved on to better dressed ones.

But has this really ruined her life? I'm thinking she's a little thin-skinned. She might have a tough time finding a date for a few weeks, or longer among the "Google your new girlfriend" crowd, but otherwise, the world will have forgotten about her quickly enough.

As for me, I pondered whether revealing my past relationships would "ruin my life." I thought back, and I Googled, since I'm no longer in contact with any of them. Let's see:

Throughout my teenage years, I was involved on and off with R, a young rebel who dropped out of school, played in a punk band and did and sold drugs. Not the kind to bring home to daddy. I eventually grew up enough to walk away unscathed. Something I'm proud of? Absolutely not. Ruin my life? Not in a million years. And today? Surprisingly, still alive. Not so surprisingly, still rebelling, still in a nowhere punk band.

Moving on to S, whom I met in cegep. Well-mannered, clean cut, slight mama's boy tendencies (but don't tell him that.) Lasted a bit over a year, ended because, well, we were still teenagers and I was having a hard time dealing with his jealous streak. Ruin my life? Nope. Today? Masters in geology, working as an analyst. Sounds square enough.

Then C, one of the kindest souls I've met. Still not entirely sure why I broke up with him, apart from maybe sheer boredom, needing to explore the world some more. He's got a terribly common name which makes him hard to track down online; in fact, I never found him. I did stay in touch with him for a few years afterwards, so by my count, he is probably some kind of entrepreneur, like his dad, and living in the house he built with his wife in suburbia. Maybe a kid or two. Ruin my life? No way. Made it better, in fact.

Then G, which may have been an attempt to recapture what was lost with R. Best body I ever dated, though. Found him on Facebook; he's still in contact with quite a few of his high school buddies. My guess is he still jams on weekends with his pals, and he works some nondescript job that pays the bills. He was never the ambitious type. Ruin my life? Don't think so.

Then L, the most conventional guy I ever dated. I still can't figure out how our relationship ever got off the ground. Only time I ever got dumped. After a SF (sympathy @#$%) too, which I still haven't forgiven (him or me.) Another one with a common name; couldn't find him online, which is odd, 'cause he used to work in computer systems. Ruin my life? Nope. Today? Probably the ex-wife, house, kid every other weekend. Standard suburbia again.

And lastly Pat, with whom I have been for ten years. I believe my current relationship deserves more privacy than my past, so I won't go on about us too much, except to say he's had my back through a lot, for which I am grateful.

All of this to say that I can't imagine how past relationships can ruin your life. Break your heart, yup, make you stronger, for sure, but to ruin your life requires your consent. Live and learn.

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